The more I live my life tuning to dharma and seeing it becoming more dharmic, certain words come through really strongly, like the words balance and patience. I see myself going through life in which phenomena appear and some captivate me immensely. And my awareness goes into a thought relationship with that particular phenomena. At that moment, I lose some balance. I lose the spacious ground in which that phenomena exists. And then sometimes I keep letting go of thoughts, letting go of thoughts, over and over, until there is just awareness. Resting in that awareness, you lose the world. I’ve mentioned in previous posts about fire, more specifically which fires purify and which fires burn. At different moments one fire that would burn at one moment later will purify. Mainly dependent on how ego involved or how invested you are in a particular phenomena as it arises.
I experience my life as a dance of balancing, of cultivating the qualities of spaciousness or equanimity, of peace, of happiness, but I notice that there were certain stages in my development, and they are still going on, where I haven’t yet fully re-entered into the passions of life, because I’m afraid of them. Because I’m afraid they will captivate my consciousness and take me away from my balanced mind. And I realize you shouldn’t be afraid of anything, but I am afraid. What I see myself doing is getting closer and closer to the edge of my fear. Of coming back into some passionate joy about something in the world, something I would have been afraid to do for fear of losing my quiet spaciousness. And realizing that now my quiet spaciousness is still present. That it’s still empty, clear and quiet.
I’m in the fortunate position where I get to practice my balance several times a day when I meet with my clients face-to-face. Many of my client’s are prepared for the session, they spend a great deal of time thinking what they will say, and they get it down to the kernel of the essence of the drama, the pain, the confusion. And they hand me the kernel, with all of its juice. And its our kernel, it’s our juice, it’s our stuff. And its my stuff as well as their stuff. I mean it’s just us kids here.
I watch because my job in that position, and my job in life, but that position demands it, is that I keep that balance perfectly. At that moment, if I don’t open my heart to the fullness of what that individual’s pain or essence problem is, what they experience, is that I’m not hearing them. That I don’t understand, that they are alone inside their predicament, because I kept separate, I didn’t allow my empathy, the passions that my empathy would engage, I didn’t allow it to occur. So I open myself and sometimes my heart breaks, because a person’s predicament is a heart breaker. But then the other part of me is constantly coming back into “sky.” Into that just awareness, just that presence that looks at the emotional states, works with them, doesn’t push them doesn’t pull them, doesn’t grab them. And that part of me becomes a mirror for the other person, for them to see the way in which they are caught.
In other words, the two bits of information that my presence there is offering, is one the empathy, we are all in this together. And the other is, but we don’t need to be caught, this is two bits of information. I realize now more and more, that what we offer each other as human beings, we offer each other an environment. That exercise is keeping me in the environment of that balance, so that I’m an environment where if that other person wants to come out and play from the pain and suffering… Here I am. And if they are in the pain and suffering… Here I am. But there is nothing in me that’s keeping them stuck in the pain and suffering and there’s nothing in me demanding they come out.
Encinitas Life/Business Coach ❤️
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